Forgive Me
by TMNT-Queen
Summary: I have done far too many terrible things in my lifetime to merit forgiveness. Yet he sits across from me in this cold, dark cell, both of us wounded and bloody, and tells me that I deserve a second chance. That he will save me. What have I done to earn this compassion? And will he turn away, especially once he knows all of the terrible things I've done to hurt his family?
1. Chapter One: Nee

_**Blanket Disclaimer:** I don't own the turtles, their allies (except my own characters), or any brands that may be seen in this story. Any similarities between a fictional character and a real person are unintentional. All rights go to respective owners._

 **Forgive Me**

* * *

For•give

 _Verb_

1\. Stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

2\. To grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.

 _Synonyms_

Pardon - remit - excuse - condone - absolve

* * *

 **Chapter One**

"Nisshoku, wake up."

The sharp voice pulls me from sleep and I sit up, rubbing my bleary eyes. I can make out the faces of my fellow _shinobi_ in the darkness of our dorm room. "What's going on?"

Zankoku grins, his white teeth almost glowing in the dimness. "The new recruit is being punished."

 _That_ wakes me up. All traces of sleep are gone as I swing my legs over the edge of my bunk and jump down. "For what?" I ask, tugging my leather jacket on over my black tank top. I haven't seen who the new soldier is yet, but my mind is racing. _Maybe he just stepped a little out of line?_

"I heard that he was trying to sneak out. He's going to get branded," Ryu says, a kind of dark pleasure evident in his tone.

His words send ice through my veins, and it's only force of will keeping me from looking at my own forearm. But I can still feel the ugly, raised scar through the fabric of my sleeve.

It's no secret that I'm currently the only one who has been branded. I was the only one foolish enough to try to escape.

Suffice it to say that my plans didn't work out.

We arrive at Shredder's throne room within a few minutes of walking. There are already several other groups of _shinobi_ there, talking in hushed voices. I can pick out snatches of conversation.

 _"Mutant freak-"_

 _"- going to get what he deserves -"_

 _"This'll teach the muties not to mess with us -"_

The doors open, and all voices are immediately silenced as Shredder himself enters. Years of ingrained training are the only thing that makes me bow my head as he passes. Then chains clank, and my eyes widen.

Rahzar and Tiger Claw walk into the throne room, dragging between them a very beat-up looking turtle. His mask is ripped and blood stained, the gauze wrapped around his wrists filthy and soaked with red. When he lifts his face, my heart skips a beat.

He is young. So impossibly young and innocent, compared to the ranks of Foot soldiers around me. Baby blue eyes glimmer with unshed tears of pain and terror. My jaw drops ever so slightly.

 _This_ is the new recruit? _This_ is the one who is to be branded...and much worse, before Tiger Claw is finished?

As they stretch out his arms and chain him to the two posts specially reserved for punishing those out-of-line soldiers, he whimpers, squeezing his eyes shut.

All faces turn towards the dais, waiting expectantly. I brace myself for Shredder's verdict. The warlord stands.

"Hamato Michelangelo. You have betrayed the Foot Clan by your attempted escape, as well as the numerous crimes committed against the clan in years past. As punishment for your transgressions, you will be first branded with the mark of a traitor. Then you shall receive four lashes for each of your family member's crimes."

I can't help it, and my face betrays my horror. Twenty lashes total? That will kill him. Perhaps not physically, but facing that torture – especially for someone so mentally young...it won't be pretty.

As Tiger Claw steps forward with the red-hot branding iron, I school my expression into neutrality. Even as I hear the sizzle of the iron burning into flesh. Even as Michelangelo's screams echo through the room.

Even as my own brand starts to throb and guilt wells up within me.

But when Tiger Claw grabs the long, barbed whip off of his belt and steps back, aiming at Michelangelo's right arm, I can't stop myself.

"Wait!"

My shout makes everyone freeze. My bunkmates narrow their eyes at me. The sea of _shinobi_ parts, ninja shooting me both curious and suspicious looks. I swallow and step forward, my heart pounding in my chest.

Shredder glares at me. "You _dare_ interrupt?"

"Master," I respond deferentially, "The turtle will be of no use to you in a condition such as the one he will be left in after this."

The man's eyes narrow. "And do you suggest, then, _han'nin,_ that I rescind the penalty?"

"I-"

"I am not a man known for compassion," Shredder continues in an uncompromising tone. "You will _not_ persuade me to rescind his sentence." A glint like steel enters his good eye. "However, I will permit you to transfer it to someone else."

Murmurs of shock go up in the crowd behind me. Never before has this been done – least of all for a new recruit. Something strikes a warning within me.

"Perhaps you would prefer for it to be dealt on your younger sister."

Horror fills me, and I meet Koneko's wide, terrified eyes in the dim lighting.

"Choose, _han'nin._ You have ten seconds to find a replacement, or _I_ will."

My back is straight when I answer, my head still bowed in respect to my master. "I accept the punishment."

Though my words are quiet, they echo off of the vaulted ceiling, easily allowing everyone to hear. Koneko gasps, covering her mouth with her hands. But Shredder smiles coldly.

"Very well. I will mete it out myself."

My heart stops. Tiger Claw's beatings are bad enough, but Oroku Saki has had years of training and practice. There is no one here whose arms are stronger.

Yet as they drag Michelangelo away from the whipping posts, he catches my gaze. Behind the glazed look of pain in his eyes, there is an undeniable gratefulness. And when they rip the leather jacket off of me and chain my wrists to the posts, when Shredder raises the whip, I focus on that face.

As the barbs tear my back into ribbons. As my blood stains the floor, splashing down my clothing. As I fight to keep conscious. I do not cry out, do not give them the satisfaction of hearing my screams.

At last, when the punishment is dealt, Shredder orders them to drag me to the dungeon with Michelangelo. To leave me there, lying in a pool of my own blood, in the filth and the wet and the rot.

"Perhaps then, you will learn some restraint and obedience," he snarls.

In the cool darkness of the cell, the orange-banded turtle crawls over to me as best he can, trying to keep his bad wrist off of the floor. "Why did you do that for me?" he asks.

I give him a small smile that quickly turns to a pained grimace as I try and sit up – with little success. "Because I know what it's like," I answer finally. "To try and escape, only to get dragged back." I turn my wrist over, revealing the raised _X_ burned into my skin. "I'm just sorry that I didn't help you sooner."

"You helped enough," he insists, gesturing to the raw mess of my back. A hint of that gratefulness comes back in his eyes and he sticks his good hand out. "I'm Michelangelo, by the way. But my family calls me Mikey."

"Nisshoku," I reply.

"You don't have a nickname?" I shake my head. "I'm gonna call you Nee."

Warmth surges through me, sending tears to my eyes. "Thank you, Mikey-san."

He's silent for a moment. "Why do you stay here if they treat you like this?"

"Because...because I deserve it," I whisper, avoiding his gaze. "I deserve the pain and the blood and the mocking. I deserve all of it."

"What?" Mikey asks, flabbergasted. "Why would you deserve this?"

"I've done too much to hurt others, Michelangelo. Far too much. No one should be - _could_ be - forgiven for all those horrible things. I've hurt. I've tortured. I've _killed._ I've ripped families apart without so much as a blink."

"But none of that was your fault. You had _nothing_ to do with it! You couldn't have stopped any of it, anyway. Trust me. Those people would've been hurt with or without your assistance."

"Where could I have gone?" I beg. "I don't have anywhere to go. No one to care for me."

Mikey's face hardens. "You will. When my brothers come for me, I'll take you home to the Lair."

That statement breaks me. Breaks the walls that I'd been so careful to keep locked down. To have someone care for me like that, especially after all of the horrible things I've done...The tears slip down my cheeks and his eyes widen.

"I didn't mean to make you cry, dudette!"

A half-sob escapes my lips, and then Mikey starts sniffling too. Before I know it, we're both full-on crying. I let out a strangled laugh, trying to wipe my face. "Look at us. We're a mess."

Mikey laughs through his own tears, scooting next to me and pulling me close. But the movement makes me hiss as pain shoots across my back. He jerks back immediately. "I'm sorry-"

"Don't be," I reply, suddenly exhausted. I lean my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. A question pops into my mind. "How did you get stuck working for the Foot?"

The turtle stiffens and then sighs. "It's a long story," he says finally.

"I think we've got time."

Mikey snorts a laugh, settling in to tell the tale.

* * *

 **Translations:**

~ Nisshoku: solar eclipse

~ Zankoku _:_ cruelty

~ Kaneko: kitten

~ _Han'nin_ : offender

 **Please review.**


	2. Chapter Two: Mikey

**_WARNING: Mikey's story might be a little rough for some of you guys...fair warning._**

* * *

 **Chapter Two: Mikey**

I take a deep breath. "There's this guy – Murakami – that owns a noodle shop in Chinatown. He's old and blind, but we saved him from the Foot so he trusts us."

This seems so un-relatable to the story that Nee blinks, confusion registering on her bloodied face. If it had been any other situation, I would have maybe laughed. But my wrist is still burning like fire from where Tiger Claw branded me, and judging by the hesitancy of Nee's movements, I'd say that she still doesn't fully trust me yet.

So I put on my most winning smile and keep going with my story, making sure to keep some distance between the two of us. "I had a fight with my brothers last week. Raph was calling me names. Saying I was useless to the team because I got distracted so much. I just...I couldn't take it anymore, so I left. Went up to Murakami's. He's always got some Gyoza for us.

"When I got to the restaurant, I found a note tacked to the wall. It said-" My throat threatens to close up, and it's a moment before I can speak again. "It said that if I wanted Murakami to live, I'd come alone to Foot Headquarters. Then Shredder told me that they'd only let Murakami go if I would join the Foot."

"They let you in just like that? But you're a-"

"They brought in this girl, about seven or eight years old. Handed me a sword." My voice cracks. "I can't get her screams out of my head...Every time I close my eyes, I see the fear and _hate_ on her face." Unconsciously, my right hand clenches into a fist. "Feel her blood on my skin."

This is the first time that I've let myself think about what happened – about what I did and the monster I became. And suddenly, it's all too much. Something breaks deep within me, even as Nee works her small fingers into my fist and pulls my hand to her chest.

"Mikey," she whispers, disbelief and tears sparkling in her gold eyes.

A strangled noise yanks itself from my throat, and I bury my face in her shoulder, sobbing. "I've never killed anyone. Never."

* * *

I don't know what time it is when I wake up, my body stiff from laying in one position for so long. A glance at Nee reveals that she's asleep too.

For a moment, I just sit there and watch her. Even though her shirt is ragged, her skin bloody, and her back raw, there is a type of innocence in her face when she sleeps that even Shredder can't touch.

But then a warning tingles in the back of my mind. Something is wrong. Nee is too still, her breathing too shallow. I reach out in the dim lighting, trying to find her forehead, and gasp when my fingers make contact with her skin. It's ice cold.

And the floor...until now I hadn't paid attention, but the stone underneath us is sticky. Swallowing, I brush the floor with my finger and smell the substance. Bile rises in my throat. The metallic smell is something I can only recognize because of the thousands of scrapes and cuts that we've gotten over the years.

Blood.

In the back of my mind, I can almost hear Donnie's voice. _Severe blood loss. Needs immediate medical attention and blood transfusion or else-_

My eyes widening and filling with tears – _Please, Nee, stay with me. Please don't leave me alone here -_ , I rush to the cell door and begin banging on it. "Help! I need a doctor down here! Please, somebody-"

A hand shoots through the bars beside me, covering my mouth and effectively shutting me up. I panic for a moment until I realize that the hand is large, three-fingered, and wrapped in gauze.

I give a muffled _okay_ to Donnie and he lets go of my face, allowing me to step back and look at the three of them. Leo kneels down next to the cell door, working on the lock. The door springs open two seconds later, and in barges Raphael...who immediately throws his arms around me and lifts me up.

I grunt, trying to free my arms. "What are you doing, dude?"

"Hugging, I think!"

My face scrunches in confusion. "It's...weird."

Raph stares at me for a moment and then sets me on the ground again. "Yeah...let's never do that again."

Leo slips an arm around my shell and helps me towards the door of the cell. "C'mon, bro. Let's get you home."

A moan from the corner draws their attention, and Donnie and Raph instantly have their weapons out. "M-Mikey," Nee calls weakly, her eyes opening just the tiniest bit. She reaches out for me and I shrug out of Leo's grip, kneeling down next to her.

"It's okay, Nee. They're my brothers. They're here to rescue us."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Raph interrupts. "What do you mean, _us?_ She's Foot, Mike. There's no way in shell that we're hauling her back to the Lair."

"She's no more Foot than I am!" I retort, forgetting to be quiet. "She _saved_ me, Raph. And I'll be darned if I leave her here to die."

"Wait a minute." Leo steps in, his eyes narrowed. "She saved you?"

Nodding, I run my hand over Nee's head, smoothing her hair back from her clammy face. "I'll tell you later. But if she doesn't get help, she's going to die."

Donnie crouches next to us, turning on a flashlight. He grimaces when he notes the blood-covered floor, but his expression quickly turns urgent as he sees the numerous gouges across her back. "Holy shell...Leo, he's right. There's no way that she'll live if these aren't cleaned and bandaged."

"And if Nee stays, then I stay," I announce, leaning back against the wall and pulling her head into my lap. She moans again, then falls silent.

My oldest brother hesitates, the need to grab me and go warring with the drive to protect us from the enemy in front of him. A sigh escapes his mouth and he lifts Nee off of the floor, making sure not to jostle her back too much. "Fine. But Mikey, she's _your_ responsibility. If she gets out of line, or something happens, it's on you. Understand?"

A quick nod of my head has Leo turning to Donnie and Raph. "Don, help Mikey out. Raph, watch our backs."

Though he doesn't look happy, Raph mutters consent and goes to make sure the coast is clear. My eyes lock onto Nee, who's curled up in Leo's arms, the peaceful look returned to her face.

 _I told you I'd take you home,_ I think. Vaguely, I feel Donnie pick me up. My head falls against his plastron, my eyes drifting shut. Yawning, I let sleep claim me.


	3. Chapter Three: Nee

**Chapter Three: Nee**

 _"Begin, Tiger Claw."_

 _As the giant cat walks towards me, brandishing the iron-tipped whip, my heartbeat quickens. I jerk against the chains holding me to the posts, my eyes wide with fear, sweat shining on my bared back. My bleeding wrist twinges in pain, reminding me of the raw, oozing branding mark. Around me, I hear the whispers of the crowd of_ shinobi _warriors._

 _"Master, please-"_

 _"Compassion and cowardice are not tolerated within the ranks of the Foot. Are you a coward,_ han'nin _?"_

 _"No, Master."_

 _"Twenty lashes, then."_

 _"But-"_

 _"Thirty."_

 _At this point, I know that pleading is useless – and likely to get me killed. For every word I speak, he will add another ten lashes. So I press my lips together as Tiger Claw raises the whip, the wicked barbs glinting. He brings the leather and metal down on my skin with all the force of a thunderclap._

A stinging pain shoots across my back, so harsh and unexpected that I jerk away. Through the ringing in my ears, I hear a voice barking orders.

"Hold her down!"

Giant hands pin my shoulders to the cold surface beneath me, allowing my attacker complete access to my bared skin. I writhe, trying to twist free.

"Stop...fighting...me," grunts a rough voice.

I'm crying now, unable to get away from the pain, from the hands, from the voices. My vision swirls, darkening...

A new voice cuts through the chaos –one that I can't exactly remember. "Guys, what are you doing? Stop it! Raph, enough! You have to _stop!"_

The hands holding me down are suddenly gone, and I curl up into a little ball, trying to ignore the raw aching of my ravaged skin. A cool hand brushes against my forehead, soothing me.

"Nee?"

And then it clicks. _Mikey._ My lips form his name, soundless, but the word is there.

"Shh. You're safe. You're safe here." A pause, and Mikey's tone becomes pleading. "Open your eyes, Nee. Please. Look at me."

Ever so slowly, I lift my head. Mikey stands before me, a hesitant smile on his face. It's not long before I launch myself toward him and burying my face in his plastron. Dimly, I'm aware of the other two turtles going for their weapons, but then the tears are overflowing again. "I thought...I thought they had me...I thought that-"

"I know," he says, rubbing my back. "It's okay. They can't get to you here."

Something in Mikey's voice makes me glance at his face. Thinly veiled pain shimmers behind the obvious relief in his baby blue eyes. My brow furrows and I rake my gaze over him, finally noticing his injuries.

Mikey's left arm hangs in a sling, and gauze is wrapped around his right wrist, stained a little with blood. Bile rises in my throat. The branding scar. One that he'll carry for the rest of his life.

My stomach turns violently. The orange-clad turtle realizes what my expression means and thrusts a wastebasket into my lap just in time. What little food remained in my stomach makes a grand reappearance, burning my throat and leaving an acrid taste in my mouth.

"Gross!" says the rough voice from before. The red-masked turtle that the voice belongs to wrinkles his beak in disgust.

Mikey ignores him and offers me a slightly lukewarm glass of water, pressing the glass to my lips. The liquid slides down my parched throat, offering a little comfort. "Everything's okay."

"What happened?"

"I'll explain later. You need to sleep now, okay?"

"I don't want to," I reply, my lip quivering. "Every time I close my eyes, I see...I see..."

Mikey frowns for a moment, and then his eyes light up. "Be right back!" He disappears from the room, and I swallow, avoiding the other turtles' eyes – specifically the fiery green gaze that glares at me with misgivings. Mikey comes back none too soon, clutching something in his hands.

The corner of my mouth turns up in a small, half-hearted smile as I realize what it is...a well-worn, duct-taped teddy bear. Mikey tucks me into bed, being careful of my back, and places the teddy bear in the crook of my arm.

"He always helped me sleep," the orange-banded turtle whispers, his eyes twinkling. He brushes stray hair away from my sweaty forehead. "I'll be right in the next room. Just call if you need anything."

I catch his hand as he turns away. "Mikey...thank you. I don't...I really don't deserve-"

Mikey shakes his head. "Just stop right there, Nee. Everyone deserves a second chance...and someone to care about them."

My eyes grow hot, pricking with tears as the three turtles leave the room. I smile – a soft, true smile – for the first time in what seems like forever, burying my face in the teddy bear and breathing in the smell of paints, bubblegum, and spring. My eyelids close, and within seconds, I fall into a blissfully deep sleep.

 **I know that this chapter was shorter - a lot shorter - but I'm planning something for the next one... *cough* Mikey *cough***

 **I'm not going to say exactly what it is...If you think you have an idea, let me know in a review! Otherwise, you'll have to wait and see. ;)**

 **Please review.**


	4. Chapter Four: Mikey

_I apologize for the long wait, guys. I was having a hard time getting my brain to work...but I hope that this chapter makes up for it (especially Mikey's 'speech' at the end)._

 _Without further ado..._

 **Chapter 4: Mikey**

Anger lights a fire in my eyes, and it's all I can do to keep quiet until we're out of Nee's hearing. Once we reach the living room, I turn and grab Donnie's forearm. "What the shell were you _thinking?!"_

Don blinks, surprise registering on his face. "What do you-"

"Do you have any idea what they _did_ to her in there?! They _tortured_ her, Donnie! They chained her to a post and whipped her until her back was raw!"

"I know that!" my brainy brother snaps, yanking his arm away. "That's why I was trying to clean it up! I didn't want it getting infected!"

A harsh laugh escapes my mouth and I shake my head. "I'm not talking about now."

Raph and Donnie exchange concerned glances. "Look, Mikey," Donnie begins in a patronizing tone. "You've been under a lot of stress lately. The past week hasn't been easy for you, I'm sure, and-"

My eye twitches. I _hate_ when they treat me like this. "Don't talk to me like I'm a two year old! I know what I'm saying! This is the _second time._ The second time they hurt her like this! Didn't either of you see her scars?"

"Hard to see anything under all that blood," Raph mutters.

I glare at him. "You guys are _hopeless!_ You don't understand what goes on behind those walls. You don't know what I've seen. What they made me-"

The words are out before I can stop them, and I'd give anything to take them back. The guys are staring at me, their mouths open – whether in shock at my outburst or not. I'm not sure. And, to be honest, I don't really care.

Because those horrified, pain-filled screams are echoing in my mind again as warm, sticky blood runs down my hands and puddles at my feet.

My breath comes in short bursts, my vision narrowing, the room spinning. I can't get enough air.

 _I'm going to die._

"I can't," I gasp, clawing at my throat. "I-I can't-"

"Raph, get some water and a cold rag! Hurry!"

Hands are on my shell, helping me to the sofa. I squeeze my eyes shut as Donnie's face swims in my vision and Shredder's laugh echoes in my ears.

"Easy, Mikey. Just breathe. In and out. That's right. Take it nice and slow."

Something cool hits the back of my neck and I moan a little, cracking my eyelids open just the tiniest bit. My brothers are watching me worriedly.

"You all right, Mike?" Raph asks. I manage a weak nod and close my eyes again as they step away a little farther. Their conversation is easy enough for me to hear, though.

"Panic attack," Donnie murmurs.

Raph growls. "What the shell did they _do_ to him in there?"

"I don't know, but I don't think that we should ask him right now. Give him a few days."

A sigh. "I feel sorry for the shell head."

"No one should have to go through that. Especially not Mikey."

Great. That's just what I need. Their pity.

"If I find out that Shredder so much as _breathed_ on him, I'm gonna kick his-"

"Shh," Donnie whispers. "You'll wake Mikey up."

 _Yeah, right._ That would be perfectly fine with me. I never want to sleep again. But let my brothers think that I'm sleeping. Maybe then they'll leave me alone.

If I can help it, nobody will ever know what I did while I was in the Foot. Ever.

* * *

 _"Please. Don't do this!"_

 _"It is either the girl or the old man. Your choice."_

 _My lower lip quivers as I glance between the two bound, gagged humans at my feet and then to the shining katana being held out to me._

 _Any minute now, my brothers will come for me. They have to._

 _But moments pass, and Shredder's hands clench. "CHOOSE!" he roars._

 _I pick up the katana with shaking fingers and meet the girl's eyes, flinching at the hatred and fear that surface._

 _"I'm sorry," I whisper, tears tracking down my cheeks. The katana gleams as I raise it over my head, bringing it down-_

"No!"

For a moment, I'm groping in the darkness, disoriented. Then I remember where I am. That my brothers rescued me.

 _Too late,_ a little voice whispers in my mind. _Too late to stop it._

I swallow against the scream that builds in my throat as I creep into the lab.

Nee's eyes flutter open as I enter. "Mikey?" she says, her voice rough from sleep. "What's going on?" In the dim lighting, I see her eyes widen at the look on my face. "What happened?"

"I-I..."

Without hesitation, she opens her arms in invitation. I rush into them, burrowing into her chest.

"I can't get it out of my mind," I whimper. "I don't want to close my eyes ever again."

"I know how you feel," Nee admits. A droplet hits the top of my head and I look up, recognizing the pain on her face, knowing the cause of the tears swimming in her golden eyes.

"My bros didn't mean to hurt you like that earlier." My voice is quiet, and I can't quite look her in the eye. "Don was just trying to help. Sometimes he doesn't think before he acts." _You'd think he would, considering all the times he's gotten on me about the exact same thing..._

"It's fine, Mikey. Really. I just...it's hard to deal with sometimes." She takes a deep breath, leaning back into the pillows. For a moment, everything is silent in the lab except for the steady ticking of the clock on Donnie's desk. "You and I...we've seen things that nobody else has seen. We've been through stuff that they can't possibly understand. And that stuff...it won't ever go away."

Nee grips my arm so suddenly and so strongly that I flinch, my gaze locking with hers. My breath catches at the self-loathing and desperation in her eyes.

"I don't understand-" Her voice breaks and she swallows, her head dropping. When she speaks again, the words are so quiet I can barely hear them. "I don't understand why you've done all this for me. Why you took me in and stitched me up. I don't...I don't deserve _any_ of this. I've done too many terrible things in my lifetime to be forgiven. I'm so broken, Mikey. My mind is sick and twisted and wrong and I-"

I put both my hands on her cheeks, forcing her to look at me. "If all that's true, then I'm just as sick and twisted as you are. I've done things that I never want the guys to find out about because I'd be too ashamed. But our past doesn't make us who we are. It's what we do with our future that defines us. And maybe we are broken. Maybe those pieces of us that shattered won't ever be whole again. I don't know. But maybe...maybe if you and I stick together then we can start to heal. Maybe the pieces will start to fit together again. I don't know if or when that will happen. But wouldn't you like to stick around and find out?"

I'm offering her a lifeline. A second chance. And maybe she doesn't understand why right now, but I'm hoping that she will. She saved my life. And I'm going to return the favor.

 **Please review.**


	5. Chapter Five: Nee

**Chapter 5: Nee**

"Maybe we are broken. Maybe those pieces of us that shattered won't ever be whole again. I don't know. But maybe...maybe if you and I stick together then we can start to heal. Maybe the pieces will start to fit together again. I don't know if or when that will happen. But wouldn't you like to stick around and find out?"

There is no guile or deception in Mikey's eyes as he meets my gaze. No tremor in his voice as he speaks. He's telling the truth, baring it all. And I so desperately want to believe him.

I so desperately want to belong.

Oh-so-slowly, I place my hands over his. The smile that appears on his face seems to brighten the entire lab as he pulls me into another hug.

"I still don't understand," I mutter into his plastron, drowsy again. Mikey laughs a little and starts smoothing my hair back from my forehead.

He speaks softly as my eyes drift shut, but I'm too far gone to hear what the words are.

Though I could've sworn that he said, " _You will."_

* * *

 **The next morning...**

I wake to the clattering of pots and pans. My still-bleary gaze drifts over to a clock on the lab wall. Ten thirty in the morning.

A thought occurs to me, jolting my system awake. For the first time in months, I slept through the night without a single nightmare.

The second thing I realize is that the turtle to whom I suspect I owe my gratitude has disappeared.

Mikey doesn't seem to be anywhere in the lab, so I haul my sorry butt out of bed, being careful not to tear the tender scabs on my back. When I slide open the lab door, my jaw drops. Since I was apparently unconscious when Mikey and his brothers brought me to the Lair, I didn't really see anything. But it appears before me now in all of its sprawling glory.

The center of the Lair is one huge room, consisting of a lounge-pit area full of beanbags and cushions placed around a TV. To the right sits another set of TV screens that seem to be devoted entirely to video games – a fact that I gather from the piles of disc cases and controllers littering the area – and a Space Heroes pinball machine. A hallway is set at the end of the room, and I assume that's where the bedrooms are. To the far right, I catch a glimpse of what seems to be a dojo, weapons and all.

The noise that I heard earlier drifts to me through a doorway to my left, now accompanied by a delicious smell that makes my mouth water. _Bacon._

My stomach growls at the savory aroma and my feet start heading that way of their own accord. As soon as I enter, all noise stops. Four gazes land on me and I can feel my face heat up.

Mikey grins and motions me over, gesturing to an empty plate beside him. "You're in luck," he says cheerfully. "Breakfast just got done." Before I even have to ask, the orange-masked turtle has piled the plate high with pancakes, eggs, sausage, hash browns, and the ever-coveted bacon. A glass of orange juice is pushed towards me, but I barely register that fact.

Within twenty seconds of me being handed the plate, I eat more than half of the food, shoveling it into my mouth with hardly a breath in between. I know that Mikey's brothers are watching me. I can feel it, even if they're trying to disguise it. The red-banded one doesn't bother to keep it hidden.

"Jeez," he says in that rough voice. "When was the last time you ate?"

It's a snarky comment, said in a way that's intended to irritate. I meet his eyes in an unflinching stare. "A week ago," I inform him.

The purple-clad turtle sitting across from Mikey leans forward. "They didn't feed you?"

"All I had for nourishment was a cup of water and a slice of bread a day. Does that answer your question?" A scowl appears on my face and I cross my arms defensively.

Mikey laughs in an attempt to break the growing tension, but the sound is strained. "Nee, these are my brothers. That's Leo in the blue. Donnie wears purple, and Raph's in red. Guys, this is Nisshoku. I call her Nee."

"Solar eclipse?" Raph translates, raising a brow. "So you're basically supposed to...what? Block the light? Cast us all into darkness?" He mutters something that's just loud enough for us all to hear. _"Guess I'd expect nothing less from a Foot Soldier."_

"I'm not a Foot Soldier," I shoot back. "Not anymore."

"Yeah, right. The day a Foot becomes good is the day that I'll start apologizing," the red-banded turtle snarls. "Ain't nothin' good about the Foot. Never has been, never will be. You're all lying, backstabbing little-"

"Raph, that's enough!" Leo says sharply.

The muscle in Raph's jaw feathers, his eye twitching. Then he stands so abruptly that his chair crashes to the ground. "Fine," he bites out. "Go ahead and treat her like she's an innocent bystander that never hurt a fly. But when she turns on you – because she will – don't come crying to me." And he's gone.

My fingers shake as I release a breath I didn't realize I was holding. I push my plate away, suddenly not hungry, and bury my face in my arms on the table. Mikey places his large hand on my back and starts rubbing between my shoulder blades.

"Raph didn't mean it," he murmurs. "He's just grumpy."

The thing is, everything that Raph said...it was true. All of it. There is nothing good about the Foot. About me.

And having it put out there so bluntly, in stark black-and-white, shakes me to my very core.


	6. Chapter Six: Mikey

_So this is going to be a rather - okay, very - short chapter. But don't worry; chapter 7 is going to be up soon!_

 **Chapter 6: Mikey**

Nee jerks away from my hand, standing up and trying to blink away the tears that threaten to overflow. "I-I need to go." With that, she runs from the room.

For once in my life, I'm completely speechless. My eyes remain fixed on Nee's empty seat, and across from me, my brothers are just as shell-shocked.

"What...just happened?" I finally get out.

Leo sighs, rubbing his temples as he stands. "I'll talk to him."

When he leaves the room, Don's calculating gaze settles on me. "Was it that bad for you guys?"

Just thinking about it makes my breath quicken and my head hurt. "What do you think, Donnie?" The words are sharper than I intend them to be and my immediate older brother's face softens.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Mike...I really am."

"It's done now," I snap, wiping at my rapidly blurring eyes.

Donnie hesitates, biting his lip. "What exactly did Shredder make you do?"

And there it is. The question that I've been dreading so much. My gaze drops to the floor, my lower lip quivering as the ghosts start screaming at me. I slip out of my seat and start for my bedroom without answering.

"Mikey!" He runs after me. "Wait! I didn't mean to make you upset. I want to help-"

"You can't. Okay? None of you can. You don't know what it was like. Nee was right. Until you've seen the things that I've seen and been forced to do what I was forced to do..." I swallow against the lump rising in my throat. "Just leave me alone, Donnie. Please."

My purple-banded brother looks so hurt and guilty that I sigh, touching his shoulder. "Sorry, D. I-I appreciate it, but I just need some time. 'Kay?"

"Okay," he replies quietly. I can feel his eyes on me as I walk up the stairs and into my bedroom.

Shell. They're gonna be watching me even closer now. _Why'd we have to have that stupid fight? If we didn't, I'd still be happy and everything would be cool._

I flop onto my bed and let out a groan, rubbing my temples. "This blows."

My gaze drifts around my bedroom, landing on my desk. It's the only space I bother to keep clean – mostly. A small smile appears on my face as I head over and plop down in the chair, grabbing brushes, paint, and a blank canvas.

Nee doesn't think that she's worth it. Well, I'm going to show her just how important she is to me.


	7. Chapter Seven: Raph

_So I just realized that this is **also** a short chapter, but I wanted to find a way to move the story along - plus I can't just have Leo going to talk to Raph and then Raph just suddenly show up and apologize. People should know what happened, right? Right._

 _So here's another (not much longer than the last) chapter...And bonus that it's from Raphie's perspective, da? ;)_

 **Chapter 7: Raph**

 _Thwack. Thwack. Smack._

A growl builds in my throat with every collision of skin on leather. "Who does she think she is, comin' in here and messin' with everythin'?"

"She saved Mikey's life, you know."

 _Great._ _Because my morning isn't bad enough already._ "I don't want or need a lecture, Fearless."

"Raph, you need to listen." Leo steps in front of me, effectively blocking the punching bag.

"That's a dangerous place ta stand, Leo," I warn. "Ya know bettah than ta get in tha way." My accent is stronger now; it always grows more pronounced the more irritated I get.

A muscle feathers in his jaw, and for a moment I feel a spark of satisfaction. Then he does the last thing I expect.

My cheekbone explodes in pain as Leo lands a massive punch on it. I swear viciously and stumble back, my arms coming up in a defensive block. "The shell was that for?!"

The only answer I get is the infuriating little smirk that appears on my twin's face. My hands clench into fists and my vision turns red. _He wants a fight, he'll get a fight._ With a roar, I launch myself at him, swinging away. Leo blocks every strike, sidestepping some of my attacks.

Eventually, it registers in my mind that Leo isn't trying to hit me at all. Besides his initial punch, he hasn't taken one swing. That knowledge stops me in my tracks. I'm panting as the red fades from my eyesight. The anger drains away, leaving me exhausted. I sink to my knees.

"Better?" Leo murmurs.

And then I understand. He was just getting me riled up so that I'd blow off some steam. It was pretty smart, actually. But of course I don't tell him that.

"Yeah," I reply. "Thanks." He sits next to me on the floor and offers me a water bottle. I drink half of it in one gulp.

"You know," he begins after a moment, "you should give Mikey more credit. He's not as dumb as you like to think he is."

"Whaddya mean?"

Leo looks me squarely in the eye. "He has a good heart, Raph. He can see the good in a person, even when others don't. Even if that _person_ doesn't see the good within themselves, he will. Mikey was right about April. He was right about Renet. He was right about Mona and Kirby and Leatherhead especially. So if he says that Nisshoku is good, I believe him. And you should too."

I turn his words over in my mind for a second. "We've been hurt too often by the Foot, Leo. You know that. I can't trust one of Shredder's own students."

"If you can't trust her, at least trust your little brother," Leo says softly. "Just try, Raph. That's all I ask. Try. For Mikey's sake."

"All right, all right. I'll try. But I can't promise any more than that."

His cobalt eyes shine just the tiniest bit. "Thanks. By the way," Leo tosses over his shoulder on the way out of the dojo, "You should really put some ice on that cheek."

I let out a chuckle that quickly turns to a pained grimace as said cheekbone starts stinging again. "Son of a..." I mutter.

Leo's quiet laugh drifts across to me, coaxing a smile to appear on my own face. "Thanks, Fearless," I call after him.

"Anytime."


	8. Chapter Eight: Nee

**Chapter Eight: Nee**

Guilt and self-loathing seethe within me, battling for dominance. The small seed of hope and truth that Mikey planted the other night has been lost somewhere in the storm raging in my heart, and it's all I can do to keep myself together. As it is, tears sting at my eyes once again and I curse myself. I _never_ cried this much before meeting the orange-banded turtle. What is _wrong_ with me?

A knock on the bathroom door makes me jump. "Nee?" The voice is recognizable as Donatello's, and I open the door immediately.

"I'm sorry," I stammer, squeezing past him and leaving the small laboratory bathroom open. "I didn't know that you needed to- I would've hurried if - I'll just...I'll go-"

"Nee," he interjects quietly but firmly, halting my verbal train wreck in its tracks. "I don't need to use the restroom. I came to talk to you."

My pulse skyrockets. _No. He can't know. He can't._ "Donnie, if this is about what happened to me, I have no desire to discuss it."

"It's not about you. It's about Mikey."

Though my shoulders relax at the clarification, I shake my head. "It is not my place to discuss Mikey's private matters. I can't – I _won't_ – risk losing the delicate trust that he has placed in me."

"He won't find out." Donnie places a hand on my wrist. "Please, Nee. Mikey's lost a lot of weight lately. He won't sleep, and anytime one of us so much as _mentions_ the Foot or Shredder, he has a panic attack. Please," he repeats, his russet brown eyes full of worry and a silent pleading and maybe a little bit of hope.

A tremor runs through me at the contact and I swallow. I want to help Mikey – really, I do. I owe him that much, at least. "You won't tell him?"

"I swear it."

I won't tell him everything. Just enough to put him on the right track. _I'm sorry, Mikey._ "Mikey told me that he had gone up to a restaurant in Chinatown, run by this old chef named-"

"Murakami," Donnie guesses.

I nod. "But there was no Murakami...just an ultimatum. There was only one way that Mikey could save him. And that was to join the Foot Clan."

Donnie's expression is heavy with pain. "There's more, isn't there." It's a statement, not a question. Again, I nod.

"Mikey was made to join the Foot, but the reason for his panic attacks is...much darker." A deep breath. "Every Foot Soldier completes missions. For most, they're simple thefts or arson jobs. But there are a few who have been selected for the harder task of..." _Breathe._ "...Of elimination."

"Elimination?" he echoes. Those intelligent brown eyes fill with horror as understanding dawns. "You can't mean...they didn't make him..."

I'm unable to meet his eyes as I sink onto my cot. "I wasn't there, but I had heard the stories. She was a young child, no more than ten years old. An orphan that was picked up off of the streets. Mikey was given a katana and forced to hurt her, but he dropped the sword soon after and they couldn't make him pick it back up. They finished the job but..." _But the damage was already done._

Donnie drops his face into his hands, letting out a long breath. He's silent for so long that I almost get up and leave the room. But when I make a move towards the door, the purple-clad genius looks up at me, seeming to realize something.

"You said that a few others had been selected for elimination," he says hoarsely. "Were you...were you one of them?"

In answer, I start take off the leather banding around my right wrist. "The nastiest punishments and missions are normally reserved for the most unruly _shinobi,_ those who act out most often and tend not to listen to Shredder. Or those who try to escape." It's not exactly the answer he was looking for; I know I'm avoiding the question, but I'm not ready to reveal all of that yet.

Donnie inhales sharply at the sight of the familiar-looking _X_ burned into my skin. "You were branded too," he murmurs.

"It is a mark of shame, something to set you apart from other _shinobi_. Something to mark you as a traitor. To mark you as a person that should be reviled." I pause, swallowing. "Did Mikey tell you why I was in the cell with him?"

"He mentioned that you saved him, but not how exactly."

"There is another punishment that Shredder will enact if there is a disobedient recruit...one of the most painful." I take a deep breath and then pull my shirt over my head, wincing at the pull of my still-healing wounds. "These were meant to be Michelangelo's."

He stares at me, and I know that he is trying to deny it. "But...but Mikey wasn't disobedient.

"No." I shake my head, hating myself for what comes next. "He was an example. A warning to show what would happen if you crossed Shredder."

Rage flares in Donnie's eyes and he stalks to the mantelpiece that Mikey informed me was the "toy shelf." Before I can say another word, the genius lashes out and sweeps everything onto the floor. I flinch at the crash that follows.

After a tense moment, Donnie turns around again to face me, calm again. "Why did you take his punishment?" he asks me.

"I suppose it was because...Mikey reminds me of what I could've been," I admit softly. "I couldn't let Shredder put out that spark in his eyes."

"...He also told us that it's the second time," the genius begins, his voice tentative.

My shoulders sag. "Yes..."

"What was the first?"

"That, Donatello, is a story for another time." It was not in my agreement that I would reveal my own past to him; only what happened to Mikey. My part of the deal is complete.

Besides, I am not ready for them to find out exactly what harm I have caused to their Clan. Not yet.

Maybe not ever, considering the way that Raphael reacted to my arrival in the kitchen earlier.

But talking to the purple-masked turtle has released some of the tension knotting my shoulder blades. I can breathe a bit easier now, knowing that someone else is sharing my burden. Or at least part of it.

Taking the words as the dismissal that they are, Donnie nods and makes to leave. Then he pauses. "You know, Mikey's normally right about people. There has to be some good in you, even if you don't believe it. Otherwise he wouldn't have done what he did. And neither would you."

As he exits the lab, his words echo in my mind. A small flicker of hope starts to grow inside me. Perhaps Shredder didn't put out the spark in my own soul. If Mikey and his brothers are telling the truth, maybe I do still have good within me.

I hope and pray with all my heart that those words are true. For all our sakes.

 **Please review.**


	9. Chapter Nine: Mikey

**Quick Note:** Sorry I haven't updated this in a while (and sorry that this chapter is going to be rather short)...

Before we start the new chapter, let's have a quick refresher first:

 _ **In Chapter 5** : Nee and Raph have a big confrontation at the breakfast table, leaving Nee doubting herself again (and all Mikey's progress is gone). _

_**In Chapter 6** : Mikey and Donnie talk about what happened (sort-of). Mikey has an outburst that leaves him with the knowledge that his brothers will be watching him even closer. And the orange-clad turtle decides to show Nee just how much she means to him. _

_**In Chapter 7:** Raph and Leo have a heart-to-heart (or fist-to-fist, if you'd like) about Nee. Leo urges his brother to, if he won't trust Nee, at least trust Mikey. _

_**In Chapter 8:** Donnie convinces Nee to reveal part of what happened to his little brother during his stay at Foot HQ. And, as he's leaving the lab with this news, he manages to re-ignite the small bit of hope within Nee that maybe, just maybe, there is still good within her._

* * *

 **Chapter Nine: Mikey**

Three hours later I lean back in my chair, my hands aching but a smile lighting up my face. _Finished._

In the painting I created, Nee is sitting on the couch, laughing with her head thrown back. The rest of us are surrounding her; Raph sits next to her with his arm resting on the back of the sofa, Donnie lounging on the floor with goggles on his eyes and a smile on his face. Splinter is chuckling in the background, Leo teasing her affectionately. And I'm sitting on her other side, my arms wrapped around her slim frame, a grin on my lips.

The image is everything I wanted it to be. And I hope that it's enough to convince Nee that she _is_ part of our family. At least in my eyes.

I grab the canvas, rushing from my room. I'm so excited I can barely restrain myself from squealing at the top of my lungs, and all my exhaustion and nervousness are gone. I pass Raph on the way to the lab, and he raises an eye ridge at me.

"What's got you so happy?"

I don't even pause to give him an answer, merely bolting past him and into the lab.

"Nee! Nee! I made you something!"

Her golden eyes widen as I thrust the canvas towards her, beaming. She gazes at the painting for a moment, running her fingers lightly over its surface. A wistful expression appears on her face and she bites her lip.

"Thank you," Nee whispers, clasping the painting to her chest.

A knock on the door stalls my next words before I can even get them past my lips. Raph sticks his head through the doorway, looking sheepish. "Uh, Nee...can I talk to you for a second?"

I don't miss the way that Nee shrinks away at my brother's voice. I put an arm around her protectively. "Whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of me."

She gives me a grateful look, balancing out the glare in Raph's eyes. There's a tense moment of silence and then he sighs, his shoulders sagging.

"I...well...I just wanted to tell you that...I'm sorry."

My jaw drops. Did Raph just apologize to a Foot Soldier?

 ** _Former_** _Foot Soldier,_ my heart whispers.

Nee stares uncertainly at the red-masked turtle. Finally she ducks her head, whispering a 'thank you.' Raph's expression turns uncharacteristically gentle for a minute before he nods and leaves.

I find my gaze fixed to the spot where he was, my brain still trying to process what just happened. Nee remains silent as she picks up the painting again. Then I hear a tiny noise coming from her mouth.

It takes me a moment to realize that she's crying.

Without hesitation, I pull her into a tight hug. "Nee, what's wrong?"

She raises her head, letting me see the tears that well up in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Mikey...I can't...I can't carry this secret anymore."

"What secret?"

Nee takes a deep breath, dropping her gaze to the image on the canvas again. And with a horrible sinking feeling, I realize that whatever she's about to say will change everything.

Whether I like it or not.

* * *

 **A/N: So a big part of Nee's past (working with Shred-Head) is about to come to light...and I don't think it's going to be very beneficial to her relationship with the turtles.**

 **Thank you guys for being so patient with me while I worked to get this chapter out. I'm sorry if I didn't type up to your expectations for it, but I hope that the next chapter will make up for it.**

 **Please review.**


	10. Chapter Ten: Nee

**Chapter Ten: Nee**

My heart is pounding, my palms growing damp. I'm afraid to reveal this secret to him, but I know that I have to tell _someone_. And who better to trust than the turtle who befriended me from the very start?

I take one more deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. "Do you remember the night that Raph took a shuriken to the thigh?"

Mikey blinks. "Honestly, it had slipped my mind until you said something. We were worried that he was going to bleed out before we got back to the-" He pauses, frowning. "Wait. How did you know about that?"

"Mikey...the shuriken was mine."

"What?" he whispers, his expression betraying his growing horror.

"I...it was a lucky shot. I wasn't aiming for him. Raph just happened to be there at the wrong time."

"So that makes it better?" Mikey asks, scowling. "Just because you weren't _aiming_ for him, it makes it okay? You almost _killed my brother!"_

I reach out towards him, hoping to calm him down. "Mikey-" He flinches away, his hands coming up in a defensive block.

"Stay away from me!"

That's when I see the tears in his eyes. That's when I realize that he's not really angry at all. He's terrified.

Terrified of me.

The knowledge breaks something deep inside me, and my shoulders sag. Feet pound on the floor, and his brothers burst into the lab not a minute later, their weapons drawn.

Leo takes quick stock of the situation: Mikey, with tears beginning to roll down his cheeks, standing as far away as he can get. And me, my face pale and my eyes wide, my hand still stretched out towards him.

"What did you do to him?" the leader asks, his expression darkening immediately.

And then I realize something else. It doesn't matter what I did to save Mikey, or what I do now. They'll never truly trust me. Ever.

"It doesn't matter," I reply dully, my gaze sinking towards the floor.

"The shell it doesn't!" Raph snaps. He grips my arm so tightly that he's almost cutting off my circulation. "You hurt him, and I wanna know why."

"I didn't...I didn't touch him."

Donnie, who had been examining his little brother all this time, looks up. "There's not a mark on him," he confirms.

"Mikey," Leo begins gently. "What did she do to you?"

"She told me...she told me that she..."

I'm waiting. Waiting for his condemning words. I deserve it, I know. I deserve everything I'm about to get.

Then something goes wrong. Mikey freezes in place, his mouth open. His eyes roll up into his head and he collapses onto the lab floor. Leo, Donnie, and Raph are at his side instantly.

But as soon as I make a move towards him, Raph pulls out his weapons, glaring at me. "Don't you ever come near him again," he hisses. "You hear me? If you so much as _breathe_ in his direction, I will beat you black and blue and drag your sorry carcass back to the Shredder myself."

I know that the words he speaks are the truth. And that's the final straw. Tears slip down my cheeks as I run out of the lab and into the tunnels, leaving the painting – and Mikey – behind.

 **Please review.**


	11. Chapter Eleven: Mikey

**Chapter Eleven: Mikey**

There's one thought on my mind when I wake up.

 _My head hurts._

The second thing I wonder is why it's so dark in the lab. Then it occurs to me.

 _Oh yeah. My eyes are closed._

Giggling a little to myself, I peel my eyelids back and take in my brothers, their worried faces swimming above me.

"Mikey?" Donnie asks. I giggle again. His voice sounds so funny, like it's coming from far away.

Leo's expression grows even more concerned. "Mikey, say something."

Sensations start to come back to me - rational thoughts and stuff like that. And, in my typical Mikey fashion, I say the first thing that comes to mind. "Why so serious?"

Raph snorts and stands up. "He's fine."

"Why wouldn't I be? And why am I on the floor?"

"You don't remember?" Donnie asks.

"Remember wh-" The word stalls on my lips as I realize that someone is missing. My heart crawls into my throat and I turn my gaze to Nee's cot.

Empty, save for a familiar-looking piece of artwork. That's when I know.

"She's gone?" I whisper, my eyes glistening.

"After you had your little episode, she ran," Raph replies abruptly.

"Mikey," Leo begins, "I need you to tell me what she said to you."

I shake my head. Even though Nee had almost killed my brother, I could never betray the trust she placed in me. The effort of holding back my tears makes my throat hurt too badly to speak, anyway.

"Mikey-"

"I can't!" I yell, my voice cracking. With that, the dam breaks and tears pour down my cheeks. I bolt up from the floor, grab the painting, and run to my room. It's no surprise that I outrun all three of my brothers - Sensei always told me that I was the fastest of all of us. When they bang on the door, begging me to open it, I don't even move from my bed. Eventually they go away, leaving me alone in misery. I screwed up. Badly. And I have a horrible feeling that Nee is going to pay the price for it.

Because while Shredder's goons couldn't get to her in the Lair, there's nothing to protect her from them now. And knowing old Chrome Dome, he has a price on her head because she managed to save me _and_ escape from his prison - all in one day, no less. He'll never forgive Nee for that.

Shredder has a vendetta against her by now. His pride and ego have been severely bruised, and he can't stand to lose face in front of his men. Beyond that, Nee broke the _shinobi_ code that she had sworn to keep. Shredder isn't one to take that lightly. At best, all Nee can hope for is a swift death - which probably won't happen either.

The knowledge sparks determination in me, and I stand shakily. I may have hurt her. I may have ruined our friendship forever. But I'm not going to just sit around until she gets murdered in cold blood.

As quietly as possible, I open my door and tiptoe out into the main room. The guys are all asleep by this time, considering the fact that it's nearly one o'clock in the morning. Even still, I use my ninja stealth training to slip out into the sewer tunnels. Taking a deep breath, I start heading for the surface.

"I'm coming, Nee."

 **Please review.**


	12. Chapter Twelve: Nee

**Chapter Twelve: Nee**

 _"You almost **killed my brother**!"_

 _"I-I didn't mean to-"_

 _"Stay away from me!"_

I jerk awake, my heart pounding in tandem with my head. The first thing I realize is that I can't see. The second is that I have no clue where I am - and no memory of what happened.

 _Did I fall? I was in the sewers...maybe I tripped and hit my head on a pipe?_

But no matter how hard I try and remember, my mind is blank.

I must have a concussion.

Before I can start panicking, I decide to focus on the fact that I can't see. Then I can deal with the memory thing.

My eyes are open, so it's not that the lids are shut by dried blood.

Blood.

I don't know if I'm injured or not.

Taking a deep breath, I wiggle my toes. They move, much to my satisfaction. Next come my fingers, which also cooperate. My arms and shoulders also move. But when I get down to shifting my legs, moving the right one sends waves of fiery pain across my body.

I bite down hard on my lip to hold in a scream. Slowly, I run a hand along the length of my leg, gasping a little when my fingers make contact with a long gash sticky with drying blood.

 _What the heck happened to me?_

I take another breath to help chase away the pain, then brush my fingers across my face and over my head. And sure enough, there's a large knot on the back of my skull.

It's a miracle I'm not dead.

I find something else on my head when I'm probing. A length of fabric has been tied around my face to act as a blindfold. I pick at the knot until it comes loose enough that I can slip the blindfold off.

And now, I know exactly where I am. Dread curls in my stomach and I'm having a hard time keeping whatever's left of my breakfast down.

I've been chained to the floor in the throne room at Shredder's Lair. How I got here I have no idea.

 _I wish I could remember-_

"So, the _han'nin_ is awake at last."

Ice shoots through my veins as the owner of that voice appears from the shadows. The Kuro Kabuto is not placed upon his head like normal, letting me see that his one good eye glistens with hate and malice.

"You have cost me time, effort, and a new recruit," he snarls. "Because of you, the turtle escaped. You have broken the _shinobi_ code that you swore to obey. You made a fool of me in front of my men. And I will not stand for such disobedience."

A cold smile settles onto his face, and I swallow. He looks far too pleased, considering the circumstances.

"The punishment is severe. I do not know if you would survive it all. So I have decided to split it up amongst the two of you."

"Two of us?" I repeat, my voice rough from disuse.

Fires blaze on in the throne room, cutting through the darkness and allowing me to see. A strangled noise escapes my lips.

Because on the other side of the room, directly across from me, Kaneko is kneeling on the stone floor, her wrists tied to the posts where unruly _shinobi_ are punished.

"No."

"Is this not what you wanted?" Shredder taunts. "A life for a life? Who better to take the punishment than your own sister? After all, she and Michelangelo are nearly the same age, and they are both just as innocent."

"No!" I snarl, lunging forward. But the chains jerk against my wrists and hold me back. "Don't touch her!"

But despite my pleas, Shredder walks towards her, his blades drawn and glittering. My sister's eyes are huge, her lip trembling. "S-Shoku...?"

"It'll be okay, Neko," I tell her. But my voice is shaking too much. "You'll see Mom and Dad soon. Tell them...tell them I'm sorry."

And then the blade crosses her throat and a crimson tide pours out, soaking her clothes. Vaguely, I hear someone screaming. But how? No one else has their mouth open.

Eventually I realize that someone is me.

"Don't worry, _han'nin,"_ Saki says with a sneer on his lips. "I won't apply the rest until Michelangelo is here to receive it. That way, your cowardly, worthless hide will be spared."

 _I'm so sorry, Mikey. I'm so sorry._

Tears course down my cheeks and I bow my head as Shredder approaches me. "What happened to that fire?" he taunts. "Did it finally go out?"

But I have no words. There is nothing more to say.

I'm broken.

 **Please review.**


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Mikey

**Chapter Thirteen: Mikey**

It's about two thirty when I finally reach the old cathedral. True to form, Shredder sent out goons to try and catch me as I approached. It was hard dodging them all, but I managed.

It's slow going trying to get up to the rooftop. I'm still a little lightheaded from earlier, and the heights I'm climbing at don't exactly help much. I finally make it to the top and sneak around the roof until I find the old cracked window that nobody ever fixed.

My ears catch some idle chatter between two guards standing near the doors below.

 _"That freak is so gonna get it when he shows."_

 _"I heard that Master Shredder is planning something big. Something that's really gonna hurt the han'nin."_

 _"Can't hurt her any worse than what he did to her sister."_

The ground tilts a little and I grab the wall behind me for support. I completely forgot that Nee had a sister in the Clan. And if Shredder wanted to hurt Nee, that would definitely be the way to go. Swallowing, I creep around the ledge, trying to locate her.

There. Tied up - no, _chained_ to the floor. She looks unharmed so far. I flick my gaze around, but the room is otherwise empty. The guards have moved on down the hallway.

I drop to the ground next to Nee. My stomach heaves and I clutch my head, moaning a little. "Okay...rapid change in heights equals sick Mikey." The nausea passes and I turn to Nee, pulling out a lock-pick kit.

"Hang on, Nee. I'm gonna get you out of here." But she doesn't respond. "Nee? Say something." Now that I'm in front of her, I can see the glassy look in her eyes, the vacancy on her face. "What did Shredder do to you?"

"What I should've done a long time ago."

Dread curls in my gut as the fires blaze around the room. Dozens of soldiers spill from the shadows to surround me, and in the midst of them all is Shredder himself. I swallow. _Okay, Mikey. Keep it together. You knew it was gonna be a trap._

I stuff the kit back into my belt and pull out my nunchucks instead, spinning them in front of me. "Let her go, Chrome Dome."

"Who? The _han'nin?"_ He scoffs. "If you want her then, by all means, take her. She's useless to me now. You, on the other hand..."

I don't even see the blow coming. One minute I'm in a defensive stance, and the next I'm lying on the floor, my ears ringing and my vision darkening. Bile rises in my throat and I curl up on my side, letting out a groan.

All I can see is Shredder's steel-shod feet as he walks up to me and bends over. His hot breath fans out over my cheek. "You will pay the price for all that she has wrought, freak. And after the punishment has been enacted, you will be subject to the brain worm that Stockman has so eagerly prepared. Your body and soul are now mine."

Heat rushes up my neck and face and the room spins around me. The demons are back, screaming at me in my dazed state.

And then darkness consumes me.


	14. Chapter Fourteen: Nee

_I know you guys were practically begging for another cliffhanger, so I wrote this chapter. ;)_

 _In all actuality, though...I had an idea of what I wanted to do for this chapter, and then I forgot it. So it took me a while to write this. Sorry._

 **Chapter Fourteen: Nee**

I don't know how long I sit there on the cold marble, completely numb to what's going on around me. _Kan_ _eko is dead._ I failed my parents.

I failed myself.

Pain shoots through my head and I whimper, squeezing my eyes shut. _All my fault. All my fault._ I'm not physically damaged – with the exception of my head, at least – but my chest and heart ache so fiercely right now that it feels like I'm dying.

After a long time of staring at nothing, something pierces through the haziness of my mind. A noise. It sounds familiar. Almost like-

Suddenly I place it. My eyes widen and my head snaps up. _Mikey!_

And there he is, tied to the same posts Kaneko was lashed to not hours before. He's been stripped bare of everything, allowing Tiger Claw the perfect access to any and all green flesh on his arms and legs. The cruel, barbed whip tears into Mikey's skin and he screams again, jerking forward.

I let out a scream of my own, yanking against the chains holding me to the floor. "No! Leave him alone!"

"Is this not what you wanted?" comes a taunting voice. Shredder descends the steps from his throne, walking closer to me. "A life for a life? An even exchange?"

"Let him go," I beg. My voice cracks and tears trickle down my cheeks. "Please, let him go. He didn't do anything to deserve this."

"He is an abomination. That is reason enough."

"I'm the one you want, Saki. Just let him go and you can do whatever you want with me."

At that the warlord turns, hate surfacing in his expression. "You think I want you, after all the trouble you've caused? No, girl. I want nothing but to make you watch this, the greatest and worst of your triumphs."

 _Snap._ Another pain-filled scream, echoing through my very bones.

A half-sob tears from my mouth and I close my eyes again, bowing my head. _I'm so sorry._

After some time, Mikey falls silent. Either he's unconscious or...no. I won't let myself think that. Shredder orders him to be released and dragged from the room.

"Take him to Stockman."

I can do nothing but stare helplessly as they haul him away. He's bleeding from so many places that it leaves a trail of red on the floor.

Shredder turns his attention to me once again. But this time, there's a smile on his face. "I must say, _han'nin._ As much of an annoyance this whole ordeal has been, I _did_ get one of Hamato Yoshi's disciples out of it. So I suppose I should thank you for that." He leans in close, his eyes inches from mine. "Let me show you my gratitude."

As soon as the words leave his mouth, I know what's about to happen. But I can't stop it.

Slowly, so slowly, my gaze travels down to the shining metal embedded in my gut. A hot, burning pain spreads through my abdomen, overtaking everything else. My vision darkens.

They say that in your final moments, your life flashes before your eyes. That isn't true for me. All I see is Mikey's anguish-ridden face. All I feel is regret.

 _"Thank you,"_ Saki hisses, pulling his gauntlet out in one fluid motion. Without the support of his arm, I sag towards the ground. My cheek lands on the marble floor that's quickly becoming red with my blood.

There's a ringing in my ears as he leaves the room. I can feel the life draining from my body, as surely as Leo knew Splinter was alive after the Invasion. The irony of it all strikes me and my weary chuckle comes out more like a hacking cough. All this time I lived serving evil, and I'm cut down when I try to do something good.

 _You deserve all this. Every moment of it._

Yes, this I know to be true. Despite what Mikey told me, there was no way I could get off scot-free after everything I'd done. I just...didn't think my end would come so soon. But I can feel Death reaching out towards me, coming to claim me as his own.

I don't want the last thing I see to be the blood-soaked marble before me. It takes a few minutes of agony until I've shifted enough to see out the cathedral windows. And there, in a sky normally filled with smoke and clouds, are the stars. They gleam, winking down at me, and a voice echoes in my mind from long ago.

 _"It's so dark outside, Mama. I'm scared."_

 _"You have nothing to fear from the dark, my love. Were it not for the dark, we could not see the stars. And look at them, Nisshoku. Look at how they shine for you."_

Tears trickle down my cheeks again. There's a lump in my throat that I try to swallow down as I stare out at the skyline.

It's comforting in a way, this peace that's slowly overtaking my body. This strange numbness that blocks out the pain and noise around me. Wait...noise? The throne room is empty. Isn't it?

I force myself to concentrate, and the sound slowly becomes clearer. "-ikey? Mikey, where are you?!"

 _Donnie._

 _They're here._

A groan escapes my lips as I struggle to sit up. The noise brings them running, and they're at my side in seconds. "Nee," Donnie gasps. "Oh my Kraang."

"S-Sorry," I manage as he raises my head. "Failed h-him..."

"Who? Failed who?" Leo asks, kneeling next to me. His cobalt eyes are wild with fear. "Where's our brother?"

"They t-took him...b-brain worm...Shredder is going to take c-control of his mind." Red-hot fire travels up my throat and I cough, sending blood spattering on the floor. Once I can speak again, I grasp Leo's arm. "He's h-hurt, Leo. Really bad. They-"

"All right," the blue-banded turtle cuts me off. "Donnie?"

"Let's get her back to the Lair first, then come up with a plan."

 _Wait, what?_ I must be woozy from blood loss. Did they just say they were taking me back to the Lair? "Thought...you guys...h-hated me."

Leo presses his lips together and it's a second before he replies. "You're the only one who knows this place inside and out. You have the information we need to rescue our brother. Anything else can wait until he's safe and sound again."

Donnie takes a towel out of his bag and presses it to my stomach, then picks the lock on my wrists. He picks me up gently and holds me against his plastron. "Leo, you scout ahead. Raph, cover our six."

By the time we get outside, the towel is soaked through with blood and I'm losing feeling in my body. The world tilts a little as Donnie takes another leap across a gap. "How you holding up?" he asks, keeping his eyes on the rooftops ahead.

"Been better." I lean my head on his shoulder and close my eyes, but he shakes me to get my attention.

"Don't go to sleep," he orders. "You have to stay awake."

"'M tired," I slur.

"I don't care. You can sleep when we get to the Lair."

Suddenly, Leo lets out a shout of warning. Donnie swears, clasping me tight against his chest. Then we're falling, falling, falling down into an alleyway. My head slams into something hard and unyielding.

And the world goes black.

 **Please review.**


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Mikey

**Chapter Fifteen: Mikey**

When I wake up, I realize that everything hurts like shell. The room is still spinning a little, courtesy of the blood loss and the wicked blow I took from Shred-Head. I slowly peel back my eyelids and take in the scene before me. It's a room I've been in many times.

Stockman's lab.

And there's the fly himself, buzzing around and muttering random strings of science-y terms I can't understand.

I pull at the cuffs holding me to an old metal table, wincing as my injured body protests. I must make some kind of small noise because his head snaps up and he glances over at me. A triumphant smile grows on his disgusting face.

"Look who'zzz awake. Welcome, Michelangelo! It'zzz been a long time."

"You know it's super creepy when you say stuff like that, right?" I reply. "You really need to work on your bedside manner."

"Oh, don't worry, my friend. My bedzzzide manner will be the leazzzt of your worriezzz in a moment."

"And why is that?" I figure if there's one thing Stockman likes to do, it's talk about himself or his plans. And as long as he's distracted, it gives me an opportunity to find an escape route. But getting out of these cuffs will be harder than I thought. If I could only find a bobby pin or-

"Becauzzze Mazzzter Shredder hazzz given me the incredible honor of bezzztowing upon you one of my greatezzzt achievementzzz. And yezzz, your brother went through thizzz before, but not with the new and improved zzzpecimen!"

"Okay, you're really starting to freak me out."

Stockman laughs and pulls out a narrow glass tube from a drawer near him. My eyes widen at what's inside and my stomach turns.

"Oh, shell no. This is not happening."

"Yezzz. Yezzz it izzz," he says gleefully, bringing the glowing pink brain worm closer to my face. "You zzzee, it took me many monthzzz to perfect, but I finally combined the correct amount of altered mutagen with my original brain worm zzzerum, and created thizzz! It will take over your mind juzzzt azzz the original worm took over Raphael'zzz. Only thizzz time the control izzz impozzzible to break!" He cackles. "Once I place thizzz in your head, you will belong completely and totally to the Foot Clan...forever."

A look of something almost like remorse appears on Stockman's face and he pauses. "Well, azzzuming, that izzz, that you zzzurvive the bonding procezzz. Unfortunately, few of my tezzzt zzzubjectzzz have lived pazzzt the initial bonding zzztage. But no pain, no gain, right? Can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggzzz!"

"I'm not an egg! I'm a turtle! There's a big difference!"

"Not big enough."

All the blood drains from my face as he pops the tube open and grabs the worm with a set of tongs. He smiles as he places it on my forehead.

"Don't worry, Michelangelo. It will all be over zzzoon."

I thought I knew pain. But getting whipped within an inch of my life was nothing compared to this.

A scream tears from my throat.

And darkness overtakes me once more.


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Nee

**Chapter Sixteen: Nee**

The first thing I'm aware of is the headache ripping through my skull. I groan, pressing a hand to my forehead in an effort to relieve the awful pressure. My eyes open slowly and my heart skips a beat. I'm at the Lair.

It's a place I thought I'd never see again.

My headache fades for a moment as I take it all in. The lab looks much the same as it did the last time I was here, if a tad more cluttered with all the projects Donnie is working on. Then my gaze drifts to the person at my side.

Donnie seems a little worse for wear. A small bandage is taped onto his left eye ridge, and a purple bruise blooms across his cheekbone. His left arm and hand are bandaged, and white medical tape stretches over his plastron and shoulder. He sits there in a light slumber, and a small whistling noise can be heard as air moves through the gap in his teeth.

 _What happened?_

Then it occurs to me. We fell off a building.

I frown, trying to remember exactly what had taken place, but between the blood loss and the shock of everything, my memory is horrible. I reach out and tap Donnie gently on the hand. He jerks upright, the bleary look in his eyes telling me he's not fully awake yet.

"What's going...Nee? You're awake!" The purple-banded genius beams, straightening his mask. "By Darwin's beard...I wasn't sure when you'd wake up. Your head had quite a collision, after all."

A grimace contorts my face and I rub the back of my head. Sure enough, there's a huge knot. "About that...what happened?"

Donnie's smile turns a little sheepish. "I wasn't watching what I was doing." I raise an eyebrow. "Hey, don't judge me! It had been a long day with little to no sleep. Plus I was carrying someone who was rapidly bleeding out. I was tired and stressed, okay?"

"And your arm?"

"I tried to hang on to something on the way down. Overextended the muscles when I caught the edge of a fire escape."

"Now that _that_ mystery is solved, what did my head collide with?"

"My plastron," he admits wryly. "Lucky for you, you have a pretty thick skull."

He means it as a joke - I can tell that much. But suddenly the enormity of everything hits me again and I'm in no mood to laugh. I pick at a loose thread on the blanket that covers me. "Why did you save me?" The words are nearly silent.

Donnie sighs. "Because Mikey would never have forgiven us if we didn't."

"It's funny, isn't it? The things we do to earn forgiveness. Sometimes I think it'd be much easier to just cut the ties and move on."

"Maybe," he concedes. "But what kind of a life would that be? You'd always be running. And running never solves anything."

"What are we going to do, Donnie?" I whisper, glancing up at the genius. "I don't even know if Mikey was..." _Alive._ It's a horrible thought. I swallow against the lump in my throat. "Even if he is, by now Stockman will have him under Shredder's control."

"How?"

"A new brain-worm that Stockman was working on. Supposedly it has much more strength than the last one. And it's virtually indestructible. So even if Mikey _is_ alive, I don't know if he's still...well... _Mikey._ "

"We have to try," Donnie says firmly. "There's always a chance at success, if you're willing to try."

"But what can we do about it? What can we do to save him? I mean, look at us. My body is bruised and battered, you can barely move your left arm, Leo and Raph won't even _talk_ to me...to be completely honest, we probably only have about a four percent chance of success."

"I'll take those odds."

But Donnie isn't the one who spoke. Leo stands in the doorway, a serious look on his face. His arms are crossed and his cobalt eyes shine with determination.

"First we're going to get you back to full strength. And then we're going to save our little brother."


	17. Author's Note (Please Read!)

**Author's Note**

So...would you guys hate me terribly if I told you that this was the end of "Forgive Me"? Because it is. But don't worry - I'm coming out with a sequel titled "Save Me." Mikey's not done for yet. ;)

I wanted to take this opportunity to say a few things.

First of all, thank you for sticking with me and reading this book, even if it wasn't exactly what you hoped for sometimes. Okay, a lot of the time. I know the cliffhangers were absolutely horrible, and some of my writing wasn't particularly great. And honestly, I wasn't sure I'd get this far. But I did...and it was thanks to you guys. An author is nothing without his/her readers, and I am nothing without you guys. If you hadn't reviewed, followed, and favorited this book, I probably wouldn't have finished it. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Secondly, I've recently come out with a book called "TMNT One-Shots and Drabbles." It'll contain things that didn't really fit with other stories, like "deleted scenes." Or, you might find some things that are better as one-shots (or two shots, depending on the situation). Please check it out!

Thirdly, you might've noticed that my writing has gotten quite a bit darker (hello, _Dark Side of the Moon_ Series). There's a reason for that. I haven't...I haven't exactly been having the best go of it lately. Sometimes I think I'm fighting depression - and I'm not sure if it's really depression or just that I get super sad; I'm still not sure what depression actually _is._ But that's why I started writing such dark stories and stuff. I needed an outlet...and my dark writing came to be. That's why I've come out with books like "Dark Side of the Moon" and the soon-to-be two-shot "Alone." They rather describe some of my feelings.

I've been trying to work past my sadness/depression, and some days I'm not so successful. But don't worry, because I'm going to keep trying.

Please don't worry about me. Really.

Anyway, that's all I had to say - I wanted to let you guys know that third thing just in case you were wondering why my writing had gotten so depressing lately. I seriously hope you'll stick around for "Save Me."

Yours truly,

TMNT-Queen


	18. Announcement: Sequel is Out!

**Announcement - Sequel is Published!**

Hey, guys!

Just wanted to let you know that the first chapter of "Save Me" is now published and ready for you to read! So if you liked this book, go check out the sequel! ;)

Once again a big thanks to all of you for supporting me. You seriously don't know how much it means to me.

I hope to see you in the next book!

Ever Yours,

Queen


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